forever changed, forever green, forever broken...

It's hard to believe I've been back from Europe for 2 1/2 months now. In ways it feels so surreal and a million miles away. Coming back home has certainly been an adjustment, especially seeing I've moved to another state and have begun a new educational endeavor.

Within a week of being home it was apparent that things at home had changed, people had changed, and situations had changed. I was overwhelmed by the loudness of Americans, of the choices at the grocery store, and the amount of food put on your plate at a restaurant.

I'm coming back around to normal on most things. I'm readjusting to the screaming we often call talking and to the 15 choices of Oreo's at Wal-Mart. But there is one aspect of my life I still cannot seem to readjust to, church.

Yes, church. For the 1st 6 or so weeks I went to a church here in America I walked away crying. Not crying because the sermon spoke to me. Not crying because I was overjoyed at being back in an American church. No, these were not and have not been tears of joy, but rather tears of sorrow, sadness, and brokenness.

I remember back to our disorrientation (or debriefing for others) and hearing one of the missionaries say, church was always the hardest thing to adjust to for her when she came back to the States. And I, I couldn't agree more.

My heart is deeply grieved for the state of the church in America. We fill up our pews; have our lights, powerpoint or media shout, big screens, productions we like to call worship, our stage settings, and coffee all in the name of reaching out to the community and the lost. In all our stuff we miss the entire point.

Church is for the believers. Church is for learning, not superficial messages that do not hit the heart of the matter. Church is to truly worship God, not to make sure every light cue goes off perfectly, that the pastor is well manicured and to look like a giant production for the community.

If statistics are true, and America really is 40-50 years behind Europe, I've seen our bleak future. I have seen what having everything can do to people. I've seen the self reliance, the utter spiritual darkness that exists. I've seen the disdain for my Lord. I've seen a people who do not know or care about the TRUTH.

We sit in our churches; hoping people will come in because of our attempts to be like the culture. I've never been more convinced that in order to reach the culture, we have to be unlike our culture. We have to prove and show that our Jesus is something different. That He changed our lives. And they have to see that. Not just say, but actually see that we are working out our faith, that while we may make mistakes, we are all about bringing Him the glory.

When people can see the difference, they become more open to what we say. Their hearts melt a little. They become a little bit more open to what you have to say. I've seen it work. I saw how 4 people lived out their lives in Paris. I saw that because they were truly walking in faith and being obedient they changed the lives of unbelievers around them. They were real, and true, and honest. And because they were, I was able to make connections with a few people. Because they were not conforming to that culture, but rather loving the culture and the people in the culture, they touched the lives of a countless few.

So I've become forever changed. I'm no longer just an American; I'm an American with a little bit of Paris and Spain mixed in. I'm broken. I weep to my Lord for the lost in Europe. I weep to my Lord for the lost in American. And I weep and cry out to my Lord for the lost sitting in the pew on Sunday morning week after week. I weep for the leadership of our churches who allow money and glamour to misguide them and those who take their eyes of the Lord for a moment, and find themselves out of God's will not knowing how they got there. I weep for the people I met and know and spent hours with who do not currently know my God, the one true God.

And I pray that my heart remains broken for the lost, because I feel a little closer to God. In having a glimpse of the pain He feels in knowing His child will not accept His offer of salvation and that they will be condemned to spend eternity without Him.

What will it take for the church to grieve for the lost? Pray for them by name. And go to the Father and intercede on their behalf. Will you allow you're heart to be broken? Will you come before the Father and cry out for those living in Europe, the States, your hometown, your street?